Nightmare
by Ziggy777
Summary: Set in and after Skins Fire. It's about how Emily deals with Naomi passing away which if they had to make her die in Skins then I think they should have put it in! I will update soon and I hope you enjoy it. NAOMILY FOREVER!
1. Arrival

The slap of my hand connecting with Effy's face did nothing to dull my pain.

_ It had been one day since I had taken the call that had nearly killed me, the call that told me that Naomi, my best friend and love had terminal cancer. I had collapsed onto the floor sobbing, praying that this was a sick joke of Effy's, but I knew, when I heard her voice waver on the other end that what she said was true. _

_I had mumbled something about getting the next flight to London to Effy. Then I hung up. Then I screamed. I lay on the cold floor in a ball crying with agony and as the tears streamed down my face, I thought about Naomi, about how strong and stubborn and what a fighter she was and I knew that she would never give up. My Naomi was a fighter so she would live, she would make it. Who cares if the doctors said it was terminal, they didn't know Naomi like I did, they didn't know her strength and with that I had picked myself up and booked the next flight ticket. _

The taxi ride from the airport was unbearable. I couldn't look at Effy. How could she have taken this time with Naomi away from me? How could she be so fucking selfish? I felt her piercing blue eyes looking at me and I turned to face her just as the cabbie stopped.

"This is where you wanted right love?" he asked; and then, "The hospital?" when I didn't reply.

"Yeah, thanks." I muttered. As I got out of the taxi I looked up at the tall imposing building of the London Hospital. How many people were in there right now facing the worst moment of their lives? Naomi was in there somewhere, probably wanting to smoke a joint. This thought made me start to smile but then the tears started to form in my eyes. Damn I should have stopped her smoking those joints.

"Emily, um she's on the fourth floor, ward 3 in the Oncology Unit." Effy's voice cut icily through my thoughts and finally, I turned to face her.

"How could you not fucking tell me Effy?" I whispered now through tears.

"She made me promise Em. She didn't want to ruin you internsh-"

"SHIT, YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT THAT? I FUCKING LOVE HER AND NOW SHE'S, SHE'S…" I looked away. I couldn't bring myself to say the word. Come on Fitch it won't come to that, it can't, it can't…

"I'll never forgive you Effy." I gasped through the lump in my throat. "You didn't deserve the time you had with her. You stole that time from me."

At least Effy Stonem had the decency to look ashamed. Taking several deep breaths to try and regain some sense of calm I turned and walked into the building of now, my worst nightmare.


	2. Lifeline

As soon as the automatic doors opened the smell of antiseptic washed over me. Looking around I saw a waiting room with its walls covered in cancer awareness posters, cancer statistic posters, how to decrease your chances of getting cancer posters, but not a single poster that said 'How to deal with your love of your life having terminal cancer.' Typical, I thought, how no one wants to tell you how fucking bad reality can be.

I walked up to the desk where a nurse looked up at me and smiled as if every day was Christmas. How could she smile like that? Couldn't she see that I was completely shattered into a million pieces?

"Hi, um I want to visit N-Naomi Campbell." Her beautiful name got stuck in my throat and once again I had to fight not to cry.

Almost immediately her smile faltered, "Yes of course. You must be Emily Fitch correct?"

"Um yeah, how-" I was going to ask how she knew who I was but she interrupted.

"Naomi has talked a lot about you. Well she is on ward 3 on the fourth floor. I'm so sorry" she added.

"Thank you, but Naomi is very strong" I said as I started to walk to the stairs. If only I had turned to see her sad, pitying expression.

The closer I got to the top of the stairs the more the sense of fear and panic started to set in. Naomi could not die, I won't let her. We had plans, we're going to go on a trip around America when I finish my internship, we are going to get married and grow old and spend every moment of our lives living as if we were in college again, having fun, having laughs, making friends…

Eventually I made it into the corridor where I saw Effy standing outside what must be Naomi's room. At first I felt angry that she was there but as I got closer I felt glad that she was there for Naomi. She had supported her when I hadn't.

I walked up to the window and gasped in shock. I saw a head of short tufty hair and a skeletal body connected to all sorts of beeping machines. Her skin was ghostly white but covered in dark purple bruises. I could see the ridge of her spine through her hospital gown and although she wasn't moving or making a sound, I could tell that she was in absolute agony. Oh my God Naomi. Oh my God...

"I can't go in. I-I just need some more time."

Effy looked at me apologetically and said softly in her calm voice "There isn't any more time Emily."

Once again I turned away from her but this time I was angry at Naomi. Why hadn't she called earlier? We could have had so many more memories, so many more fantastic times. Maybe she could have gotten better.

"I'm so angry with her" I croaked to Effy.

"She's dying Emily." As soon as Effy said those awful words, I realised that it was true.

"I know" was all I could muster before I broke down completely. I could hardly breathe, the tears came in floods as I thought about the fact that there was no future, none of our wonderful plans would ever happen, Naomi, beautiful strong Naomi would die with her, _our _entire life ahead of her.

Effy pulled me into a hug, the kind that shows you how much someone cares and whispered firmly "Be strong. You need to be strong for her like she was strong for you."

I took deep breathes to try and control myself. My heart felt physically broken but Effy was right. I had to be strong for her like she was strong for me all those years ago.

Slowly I walked into Naomi's room. My heart pounded as the beeping became louder, that beep signalled Naomi's life. She looked so delicate as I climbed into her bed that I didn't want to touch her, but as her head turned and her tired blue eyes looked into mine, I could actually see the vibrant spark in them return, just how I had remembered.

"Hey Naomi" I whispered in her ear as I hugged her. She felt so fragile, as if a tap with a feather could break her. God I love her.

"Emily. You're here Em" was all she could say to me before I collapsed onto her chest, crying and crying and crying. Naomi was dying. The pain in my chest all seemed to erupt at that moment and I couldn't stop the tears as they soaked her hospital gown. Surely it was supposed to be the other way round? I was supposed to be comforting Naomi, not Naomi comforting me. In fact I wished that it was the other way round, that I could suffer the terrible cancer instead of Naomi. She doesn't fucking deserve it.

Eventually my erratic breathing calmed down and hiccupping I look up at Naomi. Her face contorted in pain as she said "I should have called earlier Em, I'm sorry."

I sat up and started to stroke her head, "Ssssh, no it doesn't matter Naoms. I fucking love you Naomi, I fucking love you so much. I always have. I wish I could take back all the times when I was a bitch to you, I'm so sorry. I-"

"Emily?" she interrupted. "Kiss me."

I bent my head down and as soon as my lips touched her warm cracked ones I felt a sense of calm. Naomi was my lifeline. Everything would be okay. It had to be.


	3. Taken

**I found this chapter pretty hard to write but I hope you enjoy it and any feedback would be welcome! Thanks for reading :)**

One week had passed since I had arrived at the hospital, and today, when I woke up next to Naomi, before I even opened by eyes I sensed that something was wrong. Panicking I sat up, my heart pounding and placed my cheek to Naomi's mouth.

"Thank God, thank God…" I whispered as I felt her warm shallow breath on my cheek. I lay back down as I took deep breaths to calm myself, which was completely pointless because at that moment I saw Gina, Naomi's mum standing by the window. Fuck. Slowly I de-tangled myself from the bed sheets and went outside.

"Um hey Gina" God this was awkward; and plain horrible to see the pain in her eyes as she looked at her beloved daughter. Her eyes that were once so bright looked so old and tired as she turned to face me.

"Is there noth-"

"No, they tried radiotherapy and three rounds of chemo but it, it was too far gone." I watched as her eyes glazed over. Gina had always been far more acceptant of the fact that her daughter was gay and in a relationship than all my family, and over the years, we had become quite close, but I realized as her fists started to clench and as anger entered her eyes that this was going to be the breaking point.

"You should have stopped her Emily. You are her girlfriend and you should have stopped her from drinking and smoking and whatever other fucked up things you did!"

Tears welled up as I tried to explain that all that stuff we had done probably hadn't been the cause of Naomi's cancer but-

"I've had nothing but trouble since you came into our lives you know Emily?" Her voice was rising. "I've had to calm her while she was tripping, had to cope with her ever constant hangovers, I've had to pick her up from the police station, tell her that it was okay when you never fucking forgave her for Sophia, I've had to put up with the fact that I have a gay daughter-"

"IT'S NOT HER BLOODY FAULT SHE'S GAY!" I yelled at her through tears. "It's not my fault either. I fucking love her so much and thought you were one of the few people who understood that, who understood US."

She stared at me blankly for a few seconds and then "I love her Emily, she's my daughter. But I don't like what she has become. I never want to see you again."

I felt like I had been dropped from a plane onto concrete. Gina had been more of a mother to me over the years than my own had been and now this? She took one more look at Naomi and started to walk away down the corridor.

"What the fuck Gina, do you not understand how ill Naomi is? She's _dying _Gina!" but she had already turned the corner. I slid down the wall and sat in a broken crying mess. Then I heard Naomi coughing.

I rushed into her room to find her coughing up specks of blood. "Oh God Naomi" was all I could say as I gently held her and patted her back. I was so busy patting and telling myself over and over that she would be okay at least for today that I didn't hear her faint voice protesting until she put her hand on mine. That small movement alone must have been agony but then she proceeded to turn and face me.

"E-Emily, I'm so tired" she whispered as she held my hand. NO. Naomi could move on today, not today not today…

"I think it's time Em. I don't think -can hold on much longer. It hurts, everywhere hurts so much, so tired."

"Naoms" I whispered through the raindrop tears. "Naoms I love you so much…" She smiled through the oxygen mask and her eyes lit up to their magical sparkling blue.

"Do- do you remember -the time- by the lake when I – first kissed you?" I nodded silently, smiling through the tears at the memory. "And the time- when-we were- camping and in- the tent with-JJ said- we liked to wriggle?"

"I remember Naoms. Boy was it hard to keep quiet that night" I sadly giggled as I looked down into her ocean- like eyes. Even now they had the fierceness and liveliness of ocean storms within them.

"Em, I have- always- loved you Emily- even if- at first I didn't- realise it."

It was at this moment that I realised that Naomi needed to be told that she could go free, even now she didn't want to hurt me but I realised that I was hurting her keeping her here. Forcing myself to stop the tears I lent down to Naomi's face and whispered the hardest words imaginable.

"Naomi, go to sleep. I'll always love you forever, always…"

Her pale face visibly relaxed as I said those words and for the first time in a week her voice sounded stronger when she said between breaths, "Em I will-always be-here with you. I-want you-to-tell me about-all the-wonderful-things you will-have done-when- I next- see you. I love you- Emily Fitch-so-much, now kiss me."

Whispering "I love you too Naoms" into her ear, I carefully took off her oxygen mask and looked directly into her beautiful blue eyes with as much love and care as I could as she looked back into mine with an equal amount of love. Then, taking a deep breath I placed my mouth onto hers. I didn't hear the beeping of the heart monitor as it sped up and then began to slow down as each heart beat got further and further apart. I didn't even realise I was crying. I was focusing on how Naomi felt, her warm breath, her sweet scent, the feel of her lips moving on mine, her love, her vitality, her life- Naomi gave a small quite sigh and then suddenly, her lips stopped moving against mine.

I stopped. No. I opened my eyes and looked down at Naomi. Her eyes were closed. Her body was completely still. Her mouth was curved into a gentle smile and her cheeks were wet where my tears had fallen onto her.

I put my forehead against hers and said softly "Goodbye Naomi", before I collapsed down next to her on the bed, holding her hand, sobbing, shaking in agony.


	4. Nightmares

**Sorry I haven't updated for a while but here is the next chapter. Reviews would be appreciated as I don't know if I should continue or not and I don't know if this chapter is any good but thanks for reading the story so far :) **

_I was running, running so hard that my lungs and muscles were burning. I could feel smoke in my lungs and I turned and saw a pair of piercing, crystal blue eyes staring at me through the pitch black. The light emitting from the eyes grew in intensity until I was blinded and then suddenly, I was in a hospital room. The beeping of machines filled my brain until it physically hurt. On hearing a whimper of pain and I whirled around and saw a bed, only the frame of the bed was made out of bones. Crying with terror I moved closer to the lump on the bed covered by a white sheet. Ripping off the sheet I saw what was underneath and screamed and screamed and screamed. There was a skeleton, riddled with tumours but there were eyes in the eye sockets, blue eyes,-"_Emily!"-_ Naomi's eyes-"_EMILY WAKE UP!"- _her skeletal hand was grabbing me, pulling me down- _"EMILY FUCKING WAKE UP!"

I sat bolt upright. The bed sheets were twisted and tangled around me and I was covered in sweat with hot tears streaming down my face. Something was holding my hand and screaming I tore it away before I realised that it was only Katie's hand holding mine.

"Ems it's okay, it's only me" she said as she retook my hand in hers. Still trying to regain some control over myself I looked around the room. I was in Effy's flat in Effy's room and then I remembered that it had been one week since Naomi died.

Sighing I slid back down under the covers. "Sorry Katie, just a nightmare, again." I felt empty, completely drained. Effy had called Katie after Naomi had died and she hadn't really left my side since.

"I know Ems, it's going to be okay. Listen, I phoned mum and dad yesterday and-"

"YOU FUCKING WHAT!?" I yelled as I once again I sat bolt upright. "Jesus Christ Katie why, mum hates me remember?"

"No she doesn't Emily, they both love you and plus, you need them right now so they are going to come up here today." She looked apprehensively at me and I was about to snap back at her when Effy came in. She looked awful, actually they both did. They both had dark circles under their eyes which were slightly bloodshot, their hair was lank and they both looked absolutely shattered. Probably because you've been keeping them awake all fucking week Emily I said berating myself.

"I've made you some tea Emily, if you want it" she said in her raspy voice. She put the mug down and I noticed that her hands were shaking.

"Thanks Effy. I'm sorry for being such a pain, I should probably get out of your flat."

"No. You're staying here for as long as you like Emily."

"Yeah, you haven't even got out of bed all week Ems, come on you need a shower" Katie said attempting some humour.

I thought about how stupid I was being, how could I continue drinking tea and living when Naomi wasn't here? It wasn't fair on Naomi that I could continue living while she lay in the cold hospital morgue, alone. You are so fucking selfish Emily Fitch, so selfish…

"It's not fair…" I whispered accidently out loud staring into the mug. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Katie and Effy glance worriedly at each other. Haha, they think I'm talking about it's not fair that Naomi got taken from me, not that it's not fair that I'm alive when I don't fucking deserve to be.

"I know it's not fair Emily, it's not fair at all but come on"- Effy grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the bed- "You need a shower." When Effy grabbed me, I noticed the dark scar on her wrist from that terrible time when she had nearly died, how easy would it be to- NO FITCH, DON'T YOU FUCKING THINK LIKE THAT, EVER. Effy made it through Freddie's death, you can fucking make it through Naomi's for fucks sake.

I just stood in the shower, thinking. Thinking about Naomi, about the time when she reached down the head of Roundview College Harriet's bra to pull out Cook's votes, about the time when we both dressed up as Mexican's drinking shots and when her arm caught fire and I poured orange juice over her to put it out. About the time she pushed me into the freezing lake and when she first kissed me, and when we kissed on Pandora's bouncy castle, about the time when we had that ridiculous conversation about 'oils' on her bedroom floor and about the time we slept in the tent with JJ.

By the time I got out of the shower and was drying I was actually smiling, thinking of all the wonderful times we had had together, but then it hit me, there would be no more times like those, no more funny jokes, no more 'I love you as much as cheese' written all around the house, no parties, no future without Naomi.

Feeling empty once more and the tears starting again I wrapped my hair in a towel, got dressed and walked dejectedly into the living room, where mum, dad and James were sitting on the sofa. Crap.


	5. Truth

Silence. Well this makes a change from the usual bickering that makes up my parents relationship... I looked at my mum and dad and they stared back, eyes full of confusion and worry with their mouths slightly open and for once James was also silent. Fantastic.

I refused to be the first to say something so I don't know how long we were all silent before Katie erupted, "Why the fuck are you just sitting there mum? Come on for god's sakes!" Suddenly mum launched herself at me and caught me in a hug so tight that I thought there was a great risk of her smothering me. It was only when I clocked in on her apologising for 'not accepting who I was sooner' and that 'she was sorry', that I realised how much I had missed having her around. I missed her sense of being higher than everyone around her which made her ambitious, I missed hearing dad talking about 'getting Fitch' and I missed James's presence of being the annoying pervy little brother and his constant babbling.

"Mum get off me" I mumbled into her shoulder, trying to keep my voice calm. Her eyes swam with tears as she looked at me and I quickly looked away before the inevitable daily floods came. "Come and sit down kiddo" said dad patting the empty spot on the sofa next to him. That spot was where Naomi liked to sit best, "best TV viewing space ever" was what she used to say-_used _to say, god it's hard to speak of her in the past tense, fuck. My throat began to tighten and constrict as the pressure behind my eyes grew and I managed to blurt out "Sorry dad it's just I'm really tired and kinda just want to sleep" before I turned and shuffled back down the corridor to my bedroom. I could sense the disappointment from my family but none of them said anything, I just heard Katie starting up a pointless conversation and Effy putting the kettle on for yet more tea before I shut the door.

As soon as the door shut I released pressure now pounding through my entire body. The hot tears cascaded down my face and onto the duvet as I lay on the bed, face down shuddering with sobs. Coughing and choking as quietly as I could I curled up in a foetal position, pulled at my hair and groaned-I can't take it without you Naomi, I can't do it I fucking need you _here, _please Naomi, just come back, please come back…

Some time I must have fallen asleep but only to be woken by yet another horrific nightmare covered in sweat. What, I've only been asleep two hours? I thought when I looked at the clock, but then I realised that time doesn't matter, nothing fricking matters any more Fitch, nothing, only Naomi…

After staring at the swirly ceiling for a while, mind completely blank I managed to pick myself up and I walked across the cluttered room and looked in the full-length cracked mirror. For the first time in a week I looked at my now horrendous reflection. God you look fucking awful Emily, shit! Thank fuck you just had a shower! I almost laughed at how terrible I looked. My reddy brown hair although clean was a tangle and the roots were starting to show through, my face was yellowy pale, my eyes were bloodshot and tired, I had great big bags under my eyes from serious lack of sleep and I looked thin, probably because you've only eaten the occasional bit of toast this week Fitch-

"Emily? Are you in there? Your parents and James left about an hour ago" Effy said through the door. "Come in Eff"- God, even my voice sounds terrible, bloody dry and cracked… Effy tentatively opened the door and stood behind me so we could both see our pitiful reflections. "You look terrible Effy" I said with an apologetic grin. She raised her eyebrows, eyes twinkling, grinned and reciprocated with "So do you Emily Fitch, so do you." Laughing slightly I looked her in the eyes and asked her the question I was most curious about yet so terrified of asking…

"How did you cope Effy?"

Immediately, her eyes lost their twinkle and were replaced with the cold, mysterious stare that so defined her and she looked momentarily taken aback but she quickly recovered and her gaze softened.

"I didn't at first Em, you all know that I didn't, but after, later, as hard as it may be right now, you learn to move on, not to forget, _never _to forget, but you learn-you learn how to live without the one you love, the one who means everything, the one who you were going to live out your life with however long or short that may be. You learn to celebrate their life and the time you had with them, you learn to appreciate every fucking second, every good and bad moment you had with them and you learn to live life for them. I'm here, Freddie's not. You're here, Naomi's not. But we need to appreciate that we even knew them at all, that we got to spend the best times of their lives with them, we need to remember that although they're not physically here anymore, they still exist within our memories and within our hearts and it's our job now to make sure that they live on within us, otherwise, what was the point in knowing them or them even existing if we don't celebrate and appreciate what they gave to us? Some days you will feel like you are drowning or falling down an endless hole, helplessly trying to find something to grab to save you but other days will be high as a kite and feel like you are climbing up out of the darkness, but the most important thing is to remember that you are loved, that Freddie and Naomi are loved and that they always will be, forever."

Effy's voice cracked and tears fell from both of our eyes when she finished her beautiful, truthful speech. It was the most I had ever heard her talk and now I realised why she saved her words, she saved them for the things that really mattered. Before I could say anything Effy pulled me into a teary hug and we both sat there hugging and crying about the ones we had loved and lost, in a moment of complete despair, grief and unity.


	6. Goodbye

**Sorry I haven't updated in ages! There will probably only be one or two chapters after this one but I hope you enjoy the story! Please review as I'd love to hear any feedback and/or ideas, thank you so much for reading! :)**

An old church. Cold stone. Hard angular chairs. Crying. Black clothing. Stained glass. Flowers. Crying.

Wooden coffin.

Everything around me was a blur, all I could do was stare at the shiny wooden coffin and think about what it contained. Some priest started droning on about Naomi being in 'God's house'- blah blah blah, who the fuck does he think he is? He didn't know her.

I looked up at the ceiling, my now red hair falling away from my face. Effy had suggested that I dye it again as Naomi had loved it. We were sitting at the back of the church as Gina had all her family first and I organised this… thing. I felt a deep deep anger as I saw Gina being comforted by some relative, SHE WASN'T EVEN THERE WHEN SHE DIED- SHE FUCKING ABANDONED NAOMI WHEN SHE NEEDED HER THE MOST! I dug my nails into my palms to stop me from screaming at her while watching her gain as much attention as possible using her own daughter's funeral. Sickening.

Suddenly I felt a slight breeze as the church door opened and several people sit down in the pew behind me, whispering in hushed voices. "Fuck me" a slightly rough voice said, gasping I turned around and nearly screamed, this time from actual happiness and surprise.

JJ, Thomas, Pandora and Cook were there. I looked next to me at Katie and Effy who both grinned slightly. How the fuck had they managed to find Cook, he'd been off the grid for years?!

"Thank you guys for coming" I whispered. Cook nodded sympathetically, JJ looked nervous, Thomas mouthed "I'm so sorry" with Pandora clasping his hand with tears falling down her face. The priest had finished talking and doing what priests did at the sermon part of funerals and everyone stood up to go outside. This was it. Once outside, Pandora greeted me with a bear hug sobbing hysterically.

"Guys, thank you so so much for coming, seriously thank you so mu-"

"Shut up Em, we never wouldn't have come once we heard" said Cook cutting me off while enveloping me in a massive hug. "Lets go, shall we?" he said tilting his head to where Naomi's coffin would soon be put in the ground. Swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat I linked arms with Pandora and Katie and walked over.

The silver plaque on the coffin glinted in the sunlight, on it read:

**Naomi Campbell**

**28****th****April 1992- 15****th****January 2013**

**Aged 21**

I collapsed into Katie's arms weeping. 21 was no age to die. Her hand brushed soothingly over my back as the priest said his final words. Suddenly through my blurry eyes I saw Gina standing in front of me holding something red out to me. I reached for it and realised that it was a rose. I let go of Katie and walked over to her coffin- well I guess this is the final goodbye then Naomi, I love you so much, so much Naomi, can you see how much Naomi? Can you see that everyone's here for you, even Cook managed to come here can you believe that! Say hello to Freddie for all of us. Love you.

I looked down at the coffin and stared hard at Naomi's birthday carved into the metal. I dropped the rose onto her coffin and said loud enough for everyone to hear- "I fucking love you Naomi, don't you ever forget that I love you!"


End file.
